Being Selfish

I think one of the things I've found hardest about 'growing up' is knowing that at times I have to ultimately be selfish and do what's best for me. All through life we're told to treat others as we would like to be treated and to be kind to others and make them feel good. But what if we spend too much time concentrating on trying to please everyone else and end up feeling unsatisfied ourselves? That's kind of how I've felt over the past year.

As I mentioned in my fears post, I am really scared of looking back and regretting not doing things whilst I had the chance. I'm scared that I'm going to look back and realise I've spent too much time doing things to make other people happy rather than myself. I understand now that a lot of the unhappiness I've experienced has been due to the fact that I've been disregarding the importance of my own desires. It is impossible to please everybody. No matter what someone always seems to have a complaint or something to criticise you for. My answer to that as of late has been that if you can't please everybody you might as well please yourself.

I consider myself an ambitious person. I have a busy life at the best of times with all of the things I keep myself occupied with. I want to go far in life, I want to help people, I want to travel, I want to experience so many things and feel satisfied with what I have achieved in life. I know for a fact I'll be devastated if in 20 years I look back and I'm still stuck in Rossendale valley and haven't done anything I want to. That's why I kind of feel like I need to seize the day and do what is right for me.

Yet I constantly come back to the fact that it makes me feel selfish. Disregarding other people's feelings in favour of my own is something that makes me feel uncomfortable, despite knowing sometimes it has to be done. I really want to make something of myself, I want to be proud of myself. Right now, I can't say I'm overly proud of anything I've achieved. Maybe my self expectations are too high and I know for a fact that I am the biggest critic of myself out of anyone, but that's for another post. I just want to feel satisfied with my life. Is that so much to ask for?

I didn't really mean for this to turn into a negative post, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and it all confuses me so much. I thought writing it down might make it a bit clearer for me, but it probably just seems like a load of meaningless nonsense. I don't know. I'll try and write a better post next time.

Love,
Emma x