Forcing Yourself to Get Back Up

I've been pretty absent for my blog for a couple of weeks. I've been having a bit of a rough time, if I'm being totally honest. Whether it's uni getting on top of me or just general stuff getting me down, I haven't felt myself and I've had many 'wobbles', to the point where I considered dropping out of uni and just giving up. It's taken me a while and I'm still not feeling too great but I've managed to straighten my head out a little and put things in some perspective. I managed to pick myself up, rather, I forced myself to get back up. So I thought I'd try and maybe give some 'advice' about what works for me when I'm having a rough time.

Don't be afraid to receive help. This has been such a tough thing for me. I'm a hugely independent person and hate the thought of being a burden to anyone else. But after a lot of deliberation and having to force myself to accept help, I strongly advise anyone who's feeling overwhelmed or worried or stressed to embrace any kind of support you can. I'm getting some extra support from university and stuff and as stupid and time-wasting I felt at the time, I soon realised that it was the right thing to do and that a lot of other people do it too! So basically, whether it's going to a family member, friend, doctor, teacher or just anyone who can help, I really recommend it, because it does take a huge strain off.  And also, if you do see a doctor, you may find out that there is something that causes you to feel this way, such as depression, anxiety etc. which isn't your fault and then you can get the suitable help to make things feel better.

Keep yourself focused and busy. This might not help all people but for me it has really helped to have something to focus on and keep my mind busy with. So I'm getting a head start on my university work and I'm also doing a lot of volunteering with charities, Scouting and school. I just want to keep my head down and not let myself have the time to dwell on the stuff that gets me down. I'm notorious for letting myself overthink and let myself become sort of overwhelmed by things that make me stressed, panicked or upset. So, I'm trying to not let myself have the time to do that!

Accept that things aren't ever going to be perfect. Okay, so this doesn't seem like a positive thing to do, I know that, but it's realistic. There is always going to be something in your life that isn't the way you want it, be that your grades, your job, your friends, your relationship, whatever. It doesn't mean that you should be unhappy all because your life isn't this 'picture perfect' situation. I'm a serious perfectionist and want things to be a certain way all the time, but I'm learning to accept that sometimes things just happen and you can't do anything about it.

Do what you want to do and follow your heart. I place emphasis on the you in this, because at the end of the day you do only have one life and to spend it doing things you don't want to do is such a waste. You can't spend your life doing things to please other people or because it's considered the right thing to do. If you want to go to uni, or to get a job, or to travel, or to get married, or to have kids, just do it. Do what makes you happy and try your best not to think of what others may have to say about it. As I've said before, the thought of looking back in however many years and regretting the life I have terrifies me, so I want to do things I'm proud of and can remember fondly.

Let go of people who don't benefit your life. We all grow out of friendships and relationships and we shouldn't be afraid to admit that. If you've been there for someone all of the time and try so hard with them yet you receive nothing back then it's okay to say 'you know what, I'm not trying anymore.' If you're going through a rough time then the last thing you need is people who no longer serve you or support you in your life. All kinds of relationships work two ways, and if that no longer applies then you have the right to walk away. Do what's best for you.

I'm no advice guru and I only have my own personal experiences to draw on from my short 20 years of life, but if this can help even one person then that's enough for me. I just want people to know they aren't alone and that it's okay to admit that you aren't okay. As I've mentioned before, I'm always happy to chat to anyone if they want to send me a message or whatever. If I can help, I will. I'm hoping things will start to look up now, it's a slow process but I'm trying.

Love,

Emma x

Being Selfish

I think one of the things I've found hardest about 'growing up' is knowing that at times I have to ultimately be selfish and do what's best for me. All through life we're told to treat others as we would like to be treated and to be kind to others and make them feel good. But what if we spend too much time concentrating on trying to please everyone else and end up feeling unsatisfied ourselves? That's kind of how I've felt over the past year.

As I mentioned in my fears post, I am really scared of looking back and regretting not doing things whilst I had the chance. I'm scared that I'm going to look back and realise I've spent too much time doing things to make other people happy rather than myself. I understand now that a lot of the unhappiness I've experienced has been due to the fact that I've been disregarding the importance of my own desires. It is impossible to please everybody. No matter what someone always seems to have a complaint or something to criticise you for. My answer to that as of late has been that if you can't please everybody you might as well please yourself.

I consider myself an ambitious person. I have a busy life at the best of times with all of the things I keep myself occupied with. I want to go far in life, I want to help people, I want to travel, I want to experience so many things and feel satisfied with what I have achieved in life. I know for a fact I'll be devastated if in 20 years I look back and I'm still stuck in Rossendale valley and haven't done anything I want to. That's why I kind of feel like I need to seize the day and do what is right for me.

Yet I constantly come back to the fact that it makes me feel selfish. Disregarding other people's feelings in favour of my own is something that makes me feel uncomfortable, despite knowing sometimes it has to be done. I really want to make something of myself, I want to be proud of myself. Right now, I can't say I'm overly proud of anything I've achieved. Maybe my self expectations are too high and I know for a fact that I am the biggest critic of myself out of anyone, but that's for another post. I just want to feel satisfied with my life. Is that so much to ask for?

I didn't really mean for this to turn into a negative post, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and it all confuses me so much. I thought writing it down might make it a bit clearer for me, but it probably just seems like a load of meaningless nonsense. I don't know. I'll try and write a better post next time.

Love,
Emma x

The Future

The future is a daunting prospect for anyone and everyone, in my opinion. I find it funny how the older I've got get the less I've looked ahead and the more I've started focusing on now. That isn't because I haven't wanted to dream about the future and exciting things that could happen to me, but because it's been flat out made clear by society that in this life you are only capable of so much depending on where you come from, what your knowledge is and how much money you have.

When you're 4 and someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up and you respond with some crazy ambition that is never going to happen you genuinely think that you can be that thing. As you get older and the same question is asked to you it becomes more and more apparent that your dreams aren't actually that achievable. That isn't to say that you won't grow up to be a singer, actor, astronaut, whatever, because some people do! What really baffles me is the fact that for the majority of us, we give up on the big dreams and accept they won't happen. But why? Because they might be tough? Because we aren't clever enough, rich enough, popular enough? It's crazy to me that these factors actually stop us from aiming high.

I saw this video yesterday on Facebook and it genuinely moved me and left me dumbfounded with how horrifyingly accurate it was. Here is the link: The Video. The reality that in school, work, society in general we are judged on our ability to do things under a strict criteria is disgusting to me. The thing is, society looks down on teenagers who don't achieve certain grades or do certain things, but only just leaving my teens myself I can see exactly why these people give up trying. Why would you try your hardest only to be told your best isn't good enough? This has happened to me personally. I am horrible at maths and found it so difficult in high school, yet with the help of a fantastic teacher I managed to get my GCSE Maths grade from a low C to one mark off an A. I was thrilled, I couldn't believe it! Yeah, I was gutted I hadn't got that A but to be so close was something I never expected. That euphoria lasted all of 10 minutes as I was then bundled into a room with a group of other people who hadn't achieved A's and we were told 'you may be happy with your grades, but it isn't good enough, you must resit and try and do better. If you don't want to, then tough.' 

To say I was furious is an understatement. And like so many of the people society shuns I gave up. I refused to do any work in lessons, my new teacher had to beg me to do 'just two questions'. I went into this ridiculous resit that my school had pointlessly paid for and answered about 3 questions on each paper and sat there daydreaming for the rest of the time. It's safe to say I didn't get an A, and I quite frankly didn't and still don't care. It astounds me that people are so damn concerned with figures on a chart that they forget about the individuals who are affected by the pressure they are placed under, all so schools, universities, work places look 'better'.

Grades aren't everything, it's as simple as that. My brother, sorry Oliver, is not academic in the slightest. He dragged himself through GCSE's and A Levels and came out with underwhelming grades and yet he has a job doing what he wants to do and couldn't be happier. How did he do that? Determination, passion and self belief. Grades aren't everything.

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be an English teacher. I still want to do that. I want to be the teacher that doesn't belittle their students for not being as clever as someone else, I want to give my students hope and make sure they know that their best is good enough. We are all unique, we all have different talents and skills and some of them can't be defined by a letter on a piece of paper. I don't know who reads this, or if anyone will, but I want those that do to know that you are good enough and you do have the ability to achieve your dreams. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If someone tells you you can't do something, you should fight even hard to do it. The only thing limiting you is yourself and if you truly want something who the hell has the right to tell you otherwise?

I'm sorry that this is a bit of a ranty post, and I understand people may not agree and that is absolutely fine. But basically, the point is, don't let anyone make you feel less than you are, you can do anything you set your mind to and just think of that moment when you can turn around to those people who put you down and say 'see, I told you I could do it.'

Stay true to yourself,
Emma x