Loving Yourself

Okay, so a little background before I get into the main reason I was inspired to write this post. Basically, I'm one of those people that kind of struggles to 'love myself'. I'm a perfectionist, I like everything to be spot on with no flaws whatsoever. That obviously comes as a problem in life, because things aren't always perfect, least of all ourselves. There will always be that hair out of place, or spot on your face (unintentional rhyming..), or that bit of chub where you wish there wasn't a bit of chub. We can all relate to that, I'm sure. The biggest struggle I've had is accepting that these 'flaws' are actually part of me and instead of disregarding them as imperfections and faults I should actually embrace them and say to myself 'you know what, no one is perfect, least of all myself, and that's okay.' Because after all, it is okay, no matter what anyone may say.

By saying that I struggle to love myself doesn't mean that I spend every single day hating every single aspect of myself. That isn't true. I may not necessarily like certain parts of myself, but that changes day to day. Some days you feel good about yourself, others you don't, that's just life. I'm certain that applies to most, if not every, person. 'Selfies' are big problems in regards to this. Just because you take pictures of yourself and post them on social media doesn't mean you think you're drop dead gorgeous. For all you know that person could have spent ages taking and editing photos to get one they're happy with, I know a close friend of mine does that, and even then she might not even upload them. Just because someone posts photos of themselves doesn't mean they don't have insecurities or aren't self conscious about aspects of themselves. Whether they do or not, it should be considered admirable that they have had the confidence to post a picture of themselves, despite whatever problems they might have with their appearance. And let's face it, they are a confidence boost more than anything. If you get likes or positive comments on pictures of yourself you are obviously going to feel better about yourself, and even though you really shouldn't base how you feel about yourself upon what others think of you, we all do. But I am a strong believer that we should still try and love ourselves regardless of our flaws and regardless of what others think of us.

Now, on to the reason I wrote this post. I was scrolling through Instagram in my half asleep state this morning in bed and was pleasantly surprised by a post that one of my friends from school wrote. This was the post:

I spoke to Laura and asked if I could use this, and her Instagram name is up there so go give her a follow, she posts a lot of good stuff, especially if you're trying to get fit! Laura is a seriously beautiful girl, anyone can tell you that, and it is such a breath of fresh air to see someone embracing the idea that you should love yourself and only change yourself based on that self love. Having known Laura for 16 years I know that she hasn't always viewed things that way and seeing this was such a motivating and inspiring experience. As she said to me, going to the gym clears her mind and consequently makes her feel better inside and out. I think that is an amazing way to look at exercise and getting fit and healthy. Do it for yourself, not for anyone else. Do it because you love yourself and because it makes you happy. Not because someone called you fat, or because someone said you're ugly or unmotivated or not good enough. Reading this made me realise that if you love yourself then what anyone else thinks of you is irrelevant, it's background noise. 

The fact that someone, no matter how long it may take, is actively realising that the only way to be truly happy is by embracing your 'flaws' is amazing! I could definitely learn a thing or two from this way of looking at yourself and I think many other people could too, and that's why I wanted to share it. Too many people, including myself and no doubt Laura, have spent too much time picking at ourselves and covering up the things we dislike about ourselves. It isn't easy, by any means, but I really do agree with Laura and I think that we should all try to love ourselves, inside and out.

Thank you Laura!

Love,

Emma x

Invisible Illnesses

Pre-warning: This post is going to be a long one and isn't for those with a faint heart, but I'd really appreciate if people read it!

Today I decided to make a post about something very close to my heart. As shown by the title of this blog, I want to talk about invisible illnesses. I'll make it clear now, I think that awareness about any form of illness is incredibly important, but I do have reservations about the fact that some illnesses are more often than not ignored or disregarded as 'serious' because they aren't visible to the naked eye. For instance, I know many people who suffer with invisible illnesses such as Depression or Diabetes and I know that these conditions aren't looked upon the same way as others all due to the ignorance of people and their inability to see past what appears to be a 'normal' person. I could ramble all day about the different forms of hidden illnesses but I just want to touch upon a few that I have experienced personally and feel extremely strongly about. I want to raise any awareness possible because I don't think people get the credit they deserve for dealing with these things.

Firstly, I'm going to touch briefly upon a condition that I was diagnosed with about three years ago now, and luckily do not suffer from anymore, named Hyperthyroidism (also known as an Overactive Thyroid). This was also entwined with Grave's Disease for me. About 99% of people that find out I had this condition had never heard of it and didn't have a clue what it entailed, so to avoid that confusion I'll just paste a little definition of what it is and what it consists of:

'Overactive thyroid (also known as hyperthyroidism) is a relatively common hormonal condition that occurs when there is too much thyroid hormone in the body.

Excess levels of thyroid hormones can then speed up the body’s metabolism, triggering a range of symptoms, such as:

• hyperactivity
• mood swings – such as anxiety, irritability and nervousness
• difficulty sleeping (insomnia)
• feeling tired all the time (fatigue)
• muscle weakness
• unexplained or unexpected weight loss'

I also experienced other signs of it like constantly shaky hands. What really surprises me is that the page clearly stages 'relatively common hormonal condition', yet as I said before, barely anyone had even heard of this let alone knew what it was! Now take these symptoms and the fact no one understands it then try and get people to realise that you aren't just a stroppy, lazy teenager but are in fact struggling to get your hormones balanced at the right level. As I said, I'm recovered now thankfully, but I can't explain how unwell I felt during the time I suffered this. 

Now, on to the main reason I wrote this blog. Arthritis. 

'Arthritis is a long-term condition that causes pain, swelling and stiffness in the joints.' 

This one is more commonly known, but despite people knowing about it, it appears that not many understand the seriousness of it. Most people automatically associate it with elderly people, but that really is not the case. I have personal experiences of this due to the fact that around the same time as being diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism I was also diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis. I don't really feel the need to go into much detail apart from to mention that I am in pain quite often and currently take 6 pills a day to try and keep it under control. It does stop me from being able to do 'normal' things such as bowling with friends or doing much physical activity. I remember once before I had it more under control that my friend high-fived me and it caused that much pain to me that I burst into tears. Not fun for a teenager, or anyone for that matter.

Before I was diagnosed with that, I was fully aware of Arthritis and all it entails because of my incredible Mum who was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis when she was in her early teens. She is literally the most astounding woman I know, hands down. Here is a picture of us both:

To look at her you wouldn't think anything was wrong at all. You wouldn't think that she goes for treatment every 3 weeks for her condition or that she struggles every single day. Mainly because she wouldn't let you know, she's incredibly stubborn and independent! (Must be where I get it from..) You wouldn't know that she has had her right wrist fused, her left ankle pinned, both knees replaced, her right elbow replaced and her shoulder operated on. All because of Arthritis. She is quite literally one step away from being cast in the next Transformers film.

Here is a picture of her after her most recent knee replacement:

She is such a trooper. She works two jobs, she is a Group Scout Leader for 38th Rossendale Scout Group, she has her own charity that she runs with her friends to raise money for underprivileged children in Rossendale named 'Kids in Rossendale'. She is a very hands on person despite the constant pain and struggle. In September she has an elbow replacement, by far the most complicated and difficult operation she has had yet. Here is a picture of her arm afterwards:

She's crazy though. She was home the day after the surgery and before we knew it she was well enough to drive again and off she went for a well deserved holiday with my Dad to Tunisia. All was well until the day she returned home when she got on the coach to return to the airport funny and ended up breaking her arm above the replacement. She then traveled home (yes, she endured a 40 minute coach journey, a wait in the airport, a 3 hour flight and then a 40 minute car journey from the airport to the hospital) with a broken arm. I told you she's crazy. Here is a picture of the break (you can also see her elbow replacement):

So there you go. That brings us to today. She has been out of action (ish) since September. She has to have help getting dressed, cutting up food, doing her hair, everything. We have all been hands on in our house doing all of the things she normally does. It really makes you realise how much you take your parents for granted. I think I probably do appreciate my mum and what she does for me more than most because I know just how difficult it is for her. When people write thoughtless tweets or status' saying how they 'hate their parents' for petty reasons it really grinds my gears, because they have no idea how lucky they are. 

My mum absolutely despises her condition. She hates the fact that she has to rely on others to help her, it makes her think she's a failure and useless. I want to make it very clear that she is the complete opposite. I'd never change her, she is the most inspirational and special person I know! I'm not the only one who thinks this, she got nominated in 2014 for the Rossendale Hospice Woman of the Year award, and of course she won!

So, there you go, a little insight to a couple of invisible illnesses and just how much they really do affect a person's life. I hope that anyone reading this takes note of the fact that the saying 'don't judge a book by it's cover' means so much more to some people than you could ever imagine. I also really hope that people do start to raise awareness and become more informed about conditions such as Arthritis, Hyperthyroidism, Depression and Diabetes because they are more common than people know. When you see someone pulling into a Disabled car parking spot and they don't 'look disabled' to you, don't tut or pull your face, be open minded, be aware that some conditions are more obvious than others. Please, please, please, take a minute to think of those who suffer and need your support just as much as anyone else.

Thanks for reading,

Emma x

My wonderful family.

The Future

The future is a daunting prospect for anyone and everyone, in my opinion. I find it funny how the older I've got get the less I've looked ahead and the more I've started focusing on now. That isn't because I haven't wanted to dream about the future and exciting things that could happen to me, but because it's been flat out made clear by society that in this life you are only capable of so much depending on where you come from, what your knowledge is and how much money you have.

When you're 4 and someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up and you respond with some crazy ambition that is never going to happen you genuinely think that you can be that thing. As you get older and the same question is asked to you it becomes more and more apparent that your dreams aren't actually that achievable. That isn't to say that you won't grow up to be a singer, actor, astronaut, whatever, because some people do! What really baffles me is the fact that for the majority of us, we give up on the big dreams and accept they won't happen. But why? Because they might be tough? Because we aren't clever enough, rich enough, popular enough? It's crazy to me that these factors actually stop us from aiming high.

I saw this video yesterday on Facebook and it genuinely moved me and left me dumbfounded with how horrifyingly accurate it was. Here is the link: The Video. The reality that in school, work, society in general we are judged on our ability to do things under a strict criteria is disgusting to me. The thing is, society looks down on teenagers who don't achieve certain grades or do certain things, but only just leaving my teens myself I can see exactly why these people give up trying. Why would you try your hardest only to be told your best isn't good enough? This has happened to me personally. I am horrible at maths and found it so difficult in high school, yet with the help of a fantastic teacher I managed to get my GCSE Maths grade from a low C to one mark off an A. I was thrilled, I couldn't believe it! Yeah, I was gutted I hadn't got that A but to be so close was something I never expected. That euphoria lasted all of 10 minutes as I was then bundled into a room with a group of other people who hadn't achieved A's and we were told 'you may be happy with your grades, but it isn't good enough, you must resit and try and do better. If you don't want to, then tough.' 

To say I was furious is an understatement. And like so many of the people society shuns I gave up. I refused to do any work in lessons, my new teacher had to beg me to do 'just two questions'. I went into this ridiculous resit that my school had pointlessly paid for and answered about 3 questions on each paper and sat there daydreaming for the rest of the time. It's safe to say I didn't get an A, and I quite frankly didn't and still don't care. It astounds me that people are so damn concerned with figures on a chart that they forget about the individuals who are affected by the pressure they are placed under, all so schools, universities, work places look 'better'.

Grades aren't everything, it's as simple as that. My brother, sorry Oliver, is not academic in the slightest. He dragged himself through GCSE's and A Levels and came out with underwhelming grades and yet he has a job doing what he wants to do and couldn't be happier. How did he do that? Determination, passion and self belief. Grades aren't everything.

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be an English teacher. I still want to do that. I want to be the teacher that doesn't belittle their students for not being as clever as someone else, I want to give my students hope and make sure they know that their best is good enough. We are all unique, we all have different talents and skills and some of them can't be defined by a letter on a piece of paper. I don't know who reads this, or if anyone will, but I want those that do to know that you are good enough and you do have the ability to achieve your dreams. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If someone tells you you can't do something, you should fight even hard to do it. The only thing limiting you is yourself and if you truly want something who the hell has the right to tell you otherwise?

I'm sorry that this is a bit of a ranty post, and I understand people may not agree and that is absolutely fine. But basically, the point is, don't let anyone make you feel less than you are, you can do anything you set your mind to and just think of that moment when you can turn around to those people who put you down and say 'see, I told you I could do it.'

Stay true to yourself,
Emma x

Things I am thankful for...

Hey!

In relation to my 'positive thinking' for 2015, I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on the things I am thankful for in my life. Let me tell you, there is a lot of things I am so thankful for. But I thought I would just pop a few things down, and if I ever feel like I need a boost I can read this post and it will remind me of why I should be happy!

Friends & Family

This one is something I am incredibly lucky with. I have a wonderful family, I live with my twin brother, my mum and dad and our two beautiful dogs Shadow and Buzz. Buzz is my puppy and he never fails to make me smile. I have a huge family, so many aunties, uncles, cousins, second cousins, and it is so lovely always having someone to go to if I need anything. My parents are so supportive of anything I want to do and always have been, I think they're the main reason I'm so determined and headstrong. My brother is an absolute idiot, but we get on really well and he really is the better half of me! I don't know what I'd do without him.

Buzz

Shadow & Buzz

As for friends, well, mine are the best. I have a few of close girl friends that are consistently there for me and always brighten my day. I also have a giant group of friends, about 20 of us, and they are like a huge, dysfunctional family. I literally love them all so much and they're so much fun to be around! They accepted me into their 'group' about 4 years ago now and they're just wonderful.

The 'family'

Books

Yes, that sounds so geeky.. But I'm currently in my second year of doing an English and American Literature degree and I have been obsessed with reading for as long as I can remember. There aren't any words to describe the feeling of getting lost in another world for a while, and I just love it. I have so much admiration for writers, I wish I had the skill they have!

The 'Little' Things

By this, I mean the things we take for granted, that we count as normal yet for some people they just don't exist. For instance, a house to live in, food on the table, money in the bank. The freedom to say and do what I want, for the most part. The right to education and to have the opportunity to learn and develop myself. The things that we don't even give a second thought, yet we really should. No, I don't often think myself lucky for these things, I'm the same as everyone else and don't focus on it much, but I suppose I should!

Scouting

As I mentioned in my last post, Scouting has always been a huge part of my life and I am so thankful for it. I am now a Cub Scout Leader and there is nothing more satisfying that seeing a group of 8-10 year olds having fun and being happy as a result of the voluntary work I do. I want to be a teacher one day, and quite honestly the time I spend Scouting reminds me exactly why I want to do it. It really is such a rewarding hobby and it is as important to me as a job. In some ways I feel it's more important than a job because it's voluntary and so I am making a conscious decision to work for these children and to do the best I can for them. 

Me in Disneyland Paris on a Scout trip

Me and Bear Grylls

So, there you go, a few things that make me happy and I am very thankful for! I have to say I'm probably more lucky than most, I basically have three families! My blood relatives, my friend family and my Scouting family. Not many people can say that! I'm now in an extra good mood after writing this.

Emma x