Forcing Yourself to Get Back Up

I've been pretty absent for my blog for a couple of weeks. I've been having a bit of a rough time, if I'm being totally honest. Whether it's uni getting on top of me or just general stuff getting me down, I haven't felt myself and I've had many 'wobbles', to the point where I considered dropping out of uni and just giving up. It's taken me a while and I'm still not feeling too great but I've managed to straighten my head out a little and put things in some perspective. I managed to pick myself up, rather, I forced myself to get back up. So I thought I'd try and maybe give some 'advice' about what works for me when I'm having a rough time.

Don't be afraid to receive help. This has been such a tough thing for me. I'm a hugely independent person and hate the thought of being a burden to anyone else. But after a lot of deliberation and having to force myself to accept help, I strongly advise anyone who's feeling overwhelmed or worried or stressed to embrace any kind of support you can. I'm getting some extra support from university and stuff and as stupid and time-wasting I felt at the time, I soon realised that it was the right thing to do and that a lot of other people do it too! So basically, whether it's going to a family member, friend, doctor, teacher or just anyone who can help, I really recommend it, because it does take a huge strain off.  And also, if you do see a doctor, you may find out that there is something that causes you to feel this way, such as depression, anxiety etc. which isn't your fault and then you can get the suitable help to make things feel better.

Keep yourself focused and busy. This might not help all people but for me it has really helped to have something to focus on and keep my mind busy with. So I'm getting a head start on my university work and I'm also doing a lot of volunteering with charities, Scouting and school. I just want to keep my head down and not let myself have the time to dwell on the stuff that gets me down. I'm notorious for letting myself overthink and let myself become sort of overwhelmed by things that make me stressed, panicked or upset. So, I'm trying to not let myself have the time to do that!

Accept that things aren't ever going to be perfect. Okay, so this doesn't seem like a positive thing to do, I know that, but it's realistic. There is always going to be something in your life that isn't the way you want it, be that your grades, your job, your friends, your relationship, whatever. It doesn't mean that you should be unhappy all because your life isn't this 'picture perfect' situation. I'm a serious perfectionist and want things to be a certain way all the time, but I'm learning to accept that sometimes things just happen and you can't do anything about it.

Do what you want to do and follow your heart. I place emphasis on the you in this, because at the end of the day you do only have one life and to spend it doing things you don't want to do is such a waste. You can't spend your life doing things to please other people or because it's considered the right thing to do. If you want to go to uni, or to get a job, or to travel, or to get married, or to have kids, just do it. Do what makes you happy and try your best not to think of what others may have to say about it. As I've said before, the thought of looking back in however many years and regretting the life I have terrifies me, so I want to do things I'm proud of and can remember fondly.

Let go of people who don't benefit your life. We all grow out of friendships and relationships and we shouldn't be afraid to admit that. If you've been there for someone all of the time and try so hard with them yet you receive nothing back then it's okay to say 'you know what, I'm not trying anymore.' If you're going through a rough time then the last thing you need is people who no longer serve you or support you in your life. All kinds of relationships work two ways, and if that no longer applies then you have the right to walk away. Do what's best for you.

I'm no advice guru and I only have my own personal experiences to draw on from my short 20 years of life, but if this can help even one person then that's enough for me. I just want people to know they aren't alone and that it's okay to admit that you aren't okay. As I've mentioned before, I'm always happy to chat to anyone if they want to send me a message or whatever. If I can help, I will. I'm hoping things will start to look up now, it's a slow process but I'm trying.

Love,

Emma x

Loving Yourself

Okay, so a little background before I get into the main reason I was inspired to write this post. Basically, I'm one of those people that kind of struggles to 'love myself'. I'm a perfectionist, I like everything to be spot on with no flaws whatsoever. That obviously comes as a problem in life, because things aren't always perfect, least of all ourselves. There will always be that hair out of place, or spot on your face (unintentional rhyming..), or that bit of chub where you wish there wasn't a bit of chub. We can all relate to that, I'm sure. The biggest struggle I've had is accepting that these 'flaws' are actually part of me and instead of disregarding them as imperfections and faults I should actually embrace them and say to myself 'you know what, no one is perfect, least of all myself, and that's okay.' Because after all, it is okay, no matter what anyone may say.

By saying that I struggle to love myself doesn't mean that I spend every single day hating every single aspect of myself. That isn't true. I may not necessarily like certain parts of myself, but that changes day to day. Some days you feel good about yourself, others you don't, that's just life. I'm certain that applies to most, if not every, person. 'Selfies' are big problems in regards to this. Just because you take pictures of yourself and post them on social media doesn't mean you think you're drop dead gorgeous. For all you know that person could have spent ages taking and editing photos to get one they're happy with, I know a close friend of mine does that, and even then she might not even upload them. Just because someone posts photos of themselves doesn't mean they don't have insecurities or aren't self conscious about aspects of themselves. Whether they do or not, it should be considered admirable that they have had the confidence to post a picture of themselves, despite whatever problems they might have with their appearance. And let's face it, they are a confidence boost more than anything. If you get likes or positive comments on pictures of yourself you are obviously going to feel better about yourself, and even though you really shouldn't base how you feel about yourself upon what others think of you, we all do. But I am a strong believer that we should still try and love ourselves regardless of our flaws and regardless of what others think of us.

Now, on to the reason I wrote this post. I was scrolling through Instagram in my half asleep state this morning in bed and was pleasantly surprised by a post that one of my friends from school wrote. This was the post:

I spoke to Laura and asked if I could use this, and her Instagram name is up there so go give her a follow, she posts a lot of good stuff, especially if you're trying to get fit! Laura is a seriously beautiful girl, anyone can tell you that, and it is such a breath of fresh air to see someone embracing the idea that you should love yourself and only change yourself based on that self love. Having known Laura for 16 years I know that she hasn't always viewed things that way and seeing this was such a motivating and inspiring experience. As she said to me, going to the gym clears her mind and consequently makes her feel better inside and out. I think that is an amazing way to look at exercise and getting fit and healthy. Do it for yourself, not for anyone else. Do it because you love yourself and because it makes you happy. Not because someone called you fat, or because someone said you're ugly or unmotivated or not good enough. Reading this made me realise that if you love yourself then what anyone else thinks of you is irrelevant, it's background noise. 

The fact that someone, no matter how long it may take, is actively realising that the only way to be truly happy is by embracing your 'flaws' is amazing! I could definitely learn a thing or two from this way of looking at yourself and I think many other people could too, and that's why I wanted to share it. Too many people, including myself and no doubt Laura, have spent too much time picking at ourselves and covering up the things we dislike about ourselves. It isn't easy, by any means, but I really do agree with Laura and I think that we should all try to love ourselves, inside and out.

Thank you Laura!

Love,

Emma x

Insecurities

Yet again it's late at night and my brain is overthinking rapidly and about a hundred things are whirring round my brain at once. I've been thinking about the things that impact my life most and what holds me back. I came to the conclusion that the one thing that restricts me more than anything else is my insecurities.

I'm not sure when I became so insecure if I'm honest, but now I can't do anything without considering what other people might think of me and how I'll be perceived by others. From the tiniest of things to the biggest of things. Should I eat this chocolate bar? What if people think I'm fat. Should I wear this dress? What if people think I'm a slag. Should I go to uni? What if I fail. Should I tell this person how I feel? They'll probably just reject me. Just a few examples of the thoughts that consume my mind constantly. It really frustrates me that I don't feel comfortable being myself because I'm so caught up in what other people might think. This blog for example, it took me ages to actually start it up because I repeatedly knocked myself back with terrifying thoughts of judgment and torment from others. I have no idea why I care so much what other people think, I suppose I just lack in confidence.

I also don't really like myself that much. I'm not sure if that makes sense or how many other people feel the same about themsekves, but I really don't. I could sit for hours and pick at every single one of my flaws, be it my appearance or personality. I constantly want to change aspects of myself and be a better version of who I am now. I want to hold all of the admirable traits of personality and to have all of the beauty. But it just isn't realistic. What frustrates me most is that once I feel slightly more comfortable with a certain part of me, something always seems to come along and knock it back. Or things grt brought up that I'd never even thought of before. Like I once got told I have an ugly laugh and someone else agreed, and now I often catch myself mid-laugh and think of that moment and instantly stop laughing. I can't even laugh without feeling insecure, how ridiculous is that?

See, I know how ridiculous I'm being, but it doesn't change a thing. I still don't feel comfortable or confident in myself. All I want is to feel content with who I am and how I look. I just want to feel like I can walk into a room of strangers without thinking that they're ripping me to pieces in their head. I suppose I'm really writing this in the hopes that one day I can look back and know that I am content with myself and be glad that this is in the past. But right now I see no end to it. I just overthink and overthink and overthink. It's draining, it really is. I imagine other people feel this way too, so just know you aren't alone! Fingers crossed I can change this crippling part of myself somehow... Wish me luck.

Love,
Emma x