Loving Yourself

Okay, so a little background before I get into the main reason I was inspired to write this post. Basically, I'm one of those people that kind of struggles to 'love myself'. I'm a perfectionist, I like everything to be spot on with no flaws whatsoever. That obviously comes as a problem in life, because things aren't always perfect, least of all ourselves. There will always be that hair out of place, or spot on your face (unintentional rhyming..), or that bit of chub where you wish there wasn't a bit of chub. We can all relate to that, I'm sure. The biggest struggle I've had is accepting that these 'flaws' are actually part of me and instead of disregarding them as imperfections and faults I should actually embrace them and say to myself 'you know what, no one is perfect, least of all myself, and that's okay.' Because after all, it is okay, no matter what anyone may say.

By saying that I struggle to love myself doesn't mean that I spend every single day hating every single aspect of myself. That isn't true. I may not necessarily like certain parts of myself, but that changes day to day. Some days you feel good about yourself, others you don't, that's just life. I'm certain that applies to most, if not every, person. 'Selfies' are big problems in regards to this. Just because you take pictures of yourself and post them on social media doesn't mean you think you're drop dead gorgeous. For all you know that person could have spent ages taking and editing photos to get one they're happy with, I know a close friend of mine does that, and even then she might not even upload them. Just because someone posts photos of themselves doesn't mean they don't have insecurities or aren't self conscious about aspects of themselves. Whether they do or not, it should be considered admirable that they have had the confidence to post a picture of themselves, despite whatever problems they might have with their appearance. And let's face it, they are a confidence boost more than anything. If you get likes or positive comments on pictures of yourself you are obviously going to feel better about yourself, and even though you really shouldn't base how you feel about yourself upon what others think of you, we all do. But I am a strong believer that we should still try and love ourselves regardless of our flaws and regardless of what others think of us.

Now, on to the reason I wrote this post. I was scrolling through Instagram in my half asleep state this morning in bed and was pleasantly surprised by a post that one of my friends from school wrote. This was the post:

I spoke to Laura and asked if I could use this, and her Instagram name is up there so go give her a follow, she posts a lot of good stuff, especially if you're trying to get fit! Laura is a seriously beautiful girl, anyone can tell you that, and it is such a breath of fresh air to see someone embracing the idea that you should love yourself and only change yourself based on that self love. Having known Laura for 16 years I know that she hasn't always viewed things that way and seeing this was such a motivating and inspiring experience. As she said to me, going to the gym clears her mind and consequently makes her feel better inside and out. I think that is an amazing way to look at exercise and getting fit and healthy. Do it for yourself, not for anyone else. Do it because you love yourself and because it makes you happy. Not because someone called you fat, or because someone said you're ugly or unmotivated or not good enough. Reading this made me realise that if you love yourself then what anyone else thinks of you is irrelevant, it's background noise. 

The fact that someone, no matter how long it may take, is actively realising that the only way to be truly happy is by embracing your 'flaws' is amazing! I could definitely learn a thing or two from this way of looking at yourself and I think many other people could too, and that's why I wanted to share it. Too many people, including myself and no doubt Laura, have spent too much time picking at ourselves and covering up the things we dislike about ourselves. It isn't easy, by any means, but I really do agree with Laura and I think that we should all try to love ourselves, inside and out.

Thank you Laura!

Love,

Emma x

'People throw rocks at things that shine...'

This week, alongside many other people, I watched the Channel 4 thriller 'Cyberbully'. If you haven't seen it, I really recommend you do. It portrays the story of a teenage girl experiencing her computer being hacked into and being cyberbullied, however, there's a lot more to it than that. I won't spoil it for you. However, I will say that it really made me think and as a result I felt angry and disgusted at how we all treat one another. I'm not saying that I'm the perfect person and never say a hurtful comment about anyone, because that just wouldn't be true. I will admit that I am an extremely blunt person, I say it as it is and have strong opinions about things. But, I would never say something to intentionally hurt someone or belittle them out of spite or just to make them feel small.

In relation to cyberbullying, I think it's an issue that a lot of people experience. There isn't a single day pass by without seeing some form of argument or conflict on social media sites such as Facebook or Twitter. People writing indirect status' or tweets in order to express their anger with someone else. Everyone does it. But not everyone thinks before they type. Teenagers can be especially harsh.

When I was in high school I was victim of online bullying, as well as real life bullying. I know that most people experience this nowadays, which is a horrifying concept, and people say 'it's just part of growing up'. Well, that may be, but I still remember the comments that were made to me vividly. I'm still incredibly self conscious of my eyes because of the people that repeatedly said I had 'fish eyes' or 'frog eyes' because they're big. Whenever anyone makes a comment on my eyes such as 'they're so big' my heart immediately sinks and I feel embarrassed because I take it as an insult, whether it was intended to be or not. If someone compliments my eyes I can't believe them because all my mind says is 'well what about the bullies and what they said?' How sad is that? 20 years old, left high school nearly 4 years ago, and I still get bothered by the things bullies said to me. I can deal with that, no, I won't get over it, but I don't have to listen to it anymore. What terrifies me most is the fact that people like my little cousins are/have started high school and they might have to or might already be facing this awful experience that may impact them for the rest of their lives.

It isn't a secret that so many young people commit suicide as a result of bullying. I know of people who have done it, people I went to school with. And I can totally believe it and understand why people do it. Why would anyone want to get up in the morning and drag themselves to school, work, anywhere to be the subject of abuse and be so dehumanised that you feel worthless? So many people don't understand and so many people aren't willing to try and understand. Yes, it is true that criticism is a part of life that we have to endure and have to embrace and learn from, but there is a difference between criticism and bullying.

I don't want this post to be all doom and gloom, because all it does is get people angry and get people ranting about how they 'hate bullies' etc. Yes, feel angry by all means, but do something about it. If you see someone getting bullied, try your best to help stop it, whether that means telling a teacher, manager, parent, whoever. Don't sit back and watch people be dragged down by others. And in regards to the bullies, they're cowards. The chances are they too are facing problems and insecurities that they fight against by inflicting their pain upon other people. Don't disregard them as wastes of time, because the chances are there is more than meets the eye. Don't become a bully yourself out of fear of standing out, if you're trying to fit in with people that bully people then you really should reconsider your self worth.

As the title of this post says: 'People throw rocks at things that shine.' This is a quote from a Taylor Swift song called Ours. This particular line means so much to me because it's so true. People will do anything to bring down people that stand out, that they are jealous of, that stay true to themselves. If you are/have been bullied, as tough as it may be, take it as a compliment. To the people that bullied me (although I highly doubt they'll be reading this): Thank you. You may have caused insecurities that might not go away, but you have made me a much stronger person. You made me realise I am worth so much more than your petty comments and I don't need the approval of people that are completely irrelevant in my life to feel good about myself.

It isn't something that will ever be easily resolved. But if we all make a promise to ourselves to try our best not to belittle people or hurt people intentionally through acts of jealousy or spitefulness then surely bullying won't be as big an issue. No one is born a bully. We all make that decision ourselves about how to treat people. Make the right decision.

Love,
Emma x