Forcing Yourself to Get Back Up

I've been pretty absent for my blog for a couple of weeks. I've been having a bit of a rough time, if I'm being totally honest. Whether it's uni getting on top of me or just general stuff getting me down, I haven't felt myself and I've had many 'wobbles', to the point where I considered dropping out of uni and just giving up. It's taken me a while and I'm still not feeling too great but I've managed to straighten my head out a little and put things in some perspective. I managed to pick myself up, rather, I forced myself to get back up. So I thought I'd try and maybe give some 'advice' about what works for me when I'm having a rough time.

Don't be afraid to receive help. This has been such a tough thing for me. I'm a hugely independent person and hate the thought of being a burden to anyone else. But after a lot of deliberation and having to force myself to accept help, I strongly advise anyone who's feeling overwhelmed or worried or stressed to embrace any kind of support you can. I'm getting some extra support from university and stuff and as stupid and time-wasting I felt at the time, I soon realised that it was the right thing to do and that a lot of other people do it too! So basically, whether it's going to a family member, friend, doctor, teacher or just anyone who can help, I really recommend it, because it does take a huge strain off.  And also, if you do see a doctor, you may find out that there is something that causes you to feel this way, such as depression, anxiety etc. which isn't your fault and then you can get the suitable help to make things feel better.

Keep yourself focused and busy. This might not help all people but for me it has really helped to have something to focus on and keep my mind busy with. So I'm getting a head start on my university work and I'm also doing a lot of volunteering with charities, Scouting and school. I just want to keep my head down and not let myself have the time to dwell on the stuff that gets me down. I'm notorious for letting myself overthink and let myself become sort of overwhelmed by things that make me stressed, panicked or upset. So, I'm trying to not let myself have the time to do that!

Accept that things aren't ever going to be perfect. Okay, so this doesn't seem like a positive thing to do, I know that, but it's realistic. There is always going to be something in your life that isn't the way you want it, be that your grades, your job, your friends, your relationship, whatever. It doesn't mean that you should be unhappy all because your life isn't this 'picture perfect' situation. I'm a serious perfectionist and want things to be a certain way all the time, but I'm learning to accept that sometimes things just happen and you can't do anything about it.

Do what you want to do and follow your heart. I place emphasis on the you in this, because at the end of the day you do only have one life and to spend it doing things you don't want to do is such a waste. You can't spend your life doing things to please other people or because it's considered the right thing to do. If you want to go to uni, or to get a job, or to travel, or to get married, or to have kids, just do it. Do what makes you happy and try your best not to think of what others may have to say about it. As I've said before, the thought of looking back in however many years and regretting the life I have terrifies me, so I want to do things I'm proud of and can remember fondly.

Let go of people who don't benefit your life. We all grow out of friendships and relationships and we shouldn't be afraid to admit that. If you've been there for someone all of the time and try so hard with them yet you receive nothing back then it's okay to say 'you know what, I'm not trying anymore.' If you're going through a rough time then the last thing you need is people who no longer serve you or support you in your life. All kinds of relationships work two ways, and if that no longer applies then you have the right to walk away. Do what's best for you.

I'm no advice guru and I only have my own personal experiences to draw on from my short 20 years of life, but if this can help even one person then that's enough for me. I just want people to know they aren't alone and that it's okay to admit that you aren't okay. As I've mentioned before, I'm always happy to chat to anyone if they want to send me a message or whatever. If I can help, I will. I'm hoping things will start to look up now, it's a slow process but I'm trying.

Love,

Emma x

Invisible Illnesses

Pre-warning: This post is going to be a long one and isn't for those with a faint heart, but I'd really appreciate if people read it!

Today I decided to make a post about something very close to my heart. As shown by the title of this blog, I want to talk about invisible illnesses. I'll make it clear now, I think that awareness about any form of illness is incredibly important, but I do have reservations about the fact that some illnesses are more often than not ignored or disregarded as 'serious' because they aren't visible to the naked eye. For instance, I know many people who suffer with invisible illnesses such as Depression or Diabetes and I know that these conditions aren't looked upon the same way as others all due to the ignorance of people and their inability to see past what appears to be a 'normal' person. I could ramble all day about the different forms of hidden illnesses but I just want to touch upon a few that I have experienced personally and feel extremely strongly about. I want to raise any awareness possible because I don't think people get the credit they deserve for dealing with these things.

Firstly, I'm going to touch briefly upon a condition that I was diagnosed with about three years ago now, and luckily do not suffer from anymore, named Hyperthyroidism (also known as an Overactive Thyroid). This was also entwined with Grave's Disease for me. About 99% of people that find out I had this condition had never heard of it and didn't have a clue what it entailed, so to avoid that confusion I'll just paste a little definition of what it is and what it consists of:

'Overactive thyroid (also known as hyperthyroidism) is a relatively common hormonal condition that occurs when there is too much thyroid hormone in the body.

Excess levels of thyroid hormones can then speed up the body’s metabolism, triggering a range of symptoms, such as:

• hyperactivity
• mood swings – such as anxiety, irritability and nervousness
• difficulty sleeping (insomnia)
• feeling tired all the time (fatigue)
• muscle weakness
• unexplained or unexpected weight loss'

I also experienced other signs of it like constantly shaky hands. What really surprises me is that the page clearly stages 'relatively common hormonal condition', yet as I said before, barely anyone had even heard of this let alone knew what it was! Now take these symptoms and the fact no one understands it then try and get people to realise that you aren't just a stroppy, lazy teenager but are in fact struggling to get your hormones balanced at the right level. As I said, I'm recovered now thankfully, but I can't explain how unwell I felt during the time I suffered this. 

Now, on to the main reason I wrote this blog. Arthritis. 

'Arthritis is a long-term condition that causes pain, swelling and stiffness in the joints.' 

This one is more commonly known, but despite people knowing about it, it appears that not many understand the seriousness of it. Most people automatically associate it with elderly people, but that really is not the case. I have personal experiences of this due to the fact that around the same time as being diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism I was also diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis. I don't really feel the need to go into much detail apart from to mention that I am in pain quite often and currently take 6 pills a day to try and keep it under control. It does stop me from being able to do 'normal' things such as bowling with friends or doing much physical activity. I remember once before I had it more under control that my friend high-fived me and it caused that much pain to me that I burst into tears. Not fun for a teenager, or anyone for that matter.

Before I was diagnosed with that, I was fully aware of Arthritis and all it entails because of my incredible Mum who was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis when she was in her early teens. She is literally the most astounding woman I know, hands down. Here is a picture of us both:

To look at her you wouldn't think anything was wrong at all. You wouldn't think that she goes for treatment every 3 weeks for her condition or that she struggles every single day. Mainly because she wouldn't let you know, she's incredibly stubborn and independent! (Must be where I get it from..) You wouldn't know that she has had her right wrist fused, her left ankle pinned, both knees replaced, her right elbow replaced and her shoulder operated on. All because of Arthritis. She is quite literally one step away from being cast in the next Transformers film.

Here is a picture of her after her most recent knee replacement:

She is such a trooper. She works two jobs, she is a Group Scout Leader for 38th Rossendale Scout Group, she has her own charity that she runs with her friends to raise money for underprivileged children in Rossendale named 'Kids in Rossendale'. She is a very hands on person despite the constant pain and struggle. In September she has an elbow replacement, by far the most complicated and difficult operation she has had yet. Here is a picture of her arm afterwards:

She's crazy though. She was home the day after the surgery and before we knew it she was well enough to drive again and off she went for a well deserved holiday with my Dad to Tunisia. All was well until the day she returned home when she got on the coach to return to the airport funny and ended up breaking her arm above the replacement. She then traveled home (yes, she endured a 40 minute coach journey, a wait in the airport, a 3 hour flight and then a 40 minute car journey from the airport to the hospital) with a broken arm. I told you she's crazy. Here is a picture of the break (you can also see her elbow replacement):

So there you go. That brings us to today. She has been out of action (ish) since September. She has to have help getting dressed, cutting up food, doing her hair, everything. We have all been hands on in our house doing all of the things she normally does. It really makes you realise how much you take your parents for granted. I think I probably do appreciate my mum and what she does for me more than most because I know just how difficult it is for her. When people write thoughtless tweets or status' saying how they 'hate their parents' for petty reasons it really grinds my gears, because they have no idea how lucky they are. 

My mum absolutely despises her condition. She hates the fact that she has to rely on others to help her, it makes her think she's a failure and useless. I want to make it very clear that she is the complete opposite. I'd never change her, she is the most inspirational and special person I know! I'm not the only one who thinks this, she got nominated in 2014 for the Rossendale Hospice Woman of the Year award, and of course she won!

So, there you go, a little insight to a couple of invisible illnesses and just how much they really do affect a person's life. I hope that anyone reading this takes note of the fact that the saying 'don't judge a book by it's cover' means so much more to some people than you could ever imagine. I also really hope that people do start to raise awareness and become more informed about conditions such as Arthritis, Hyperthyroidism, Depression and Diabetes because they are more common than people know. When you see someone pulling into a Disabled car parking spot and they don't 'look disabled' to you, don't tut or pull your face, be open minded, be aware that some conditions are more obvious than others. Please, please, please, take a minute to think of those who suffer and need your support just as much as anyone else.

Thanks for reading,

Emma x

My wonderful family.

Things I am thankful for...

Hey!

In relation to my 'positive thinking' for 2015, I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on the things I am thankful for in my life. Let me tell you, there is a lot of things I am so thankful for. But I thought I would just pop a few things down, and if I ever feel like I need a boost I can read this post and it will remind me of why I should be happy!

Friends & Family

This one is something I am incredibly lucky with. I have a wonderful family, I live with my twin brother, my mum and dad and our two beautiful dogs Shadow and Buzz. Buzz is my puppy and he never fails to make me smile. I have a huge family, so many aunties, uncles, cousins, second cousins, and it is so lovely always having someone to go to if I need anything. My parents are so supportive of anything I want to do and always have been, I think they're the main reason I'm so determined and headstrong. My brother is an absolute idiot, but we get on really well and he really is the better half of me! I don't know what I'd do without him.

Buzz

Shadow & Buzz

As for friends, well, mine are the best. I have a few of close girl friends that are consistently there for me and always brighten my day. I also have a giant group of friends, about 20 of us, and they are like a huge, dysfunctional family. I literally love them all so much and they're so much fun to be around! They accepted me into their 'group' about 4 years ago now and they're just wonderful.

The 'family'

Books

Yes, that sounds so geeky.. But I'm currently in my second year of doing an English and American Literature degree and I have been obsessed with reading for as long as I can remember. There aren't any words to describe the feeling of getting lost in another world for a while, and I just love it. I have so much admiration for writers, I wish I had the skill they have!

The 'Little' Things

By this, I mean the things we take for granted, that we count as normal yet for some people they just don't exist. For instance, a house to live in, food on the table, money in the bank. The freedom to say and do what I want, for the most part. The right to education and to have the opportunity to learn and develop myself. The things that we don't even give a second thought, yet we really should. No, I don't often think myself lucky for these things, I'm the same as everyone else and don't focus on it much, but I suppose I should!

Scouting

As I mentioned in my last post, Scouting has always been a huge part of my life and I am so thankful for it. I am now a Cub Scout Leader and there is nothing more satisfying that seeing a group of 8-10 year olds having fun and being happy as a result of the voluntary work I do. I want to be a teacher one day, and quite honestly the time I spend Scouting reminds me exactly why I want to do it. It really is such a rewarding hobby and it is as important to me as a job. In some ways I feel it's more important than a job because it's voluntary and so I am making a conscious decision to work for these children and to do the best I can for them. 

Me in Disneyland Paris on a Scout trip

Me and Bear Grylls

So, there you go, a few things that make me happy and I am very thankful for! I have to say I'm probably more lucky than most, I basically have three families! My blood relatives, my friend family and my Scouting family. Not many people can say that! I'm now in an extra good mood after writing this.

Emma x